Picture: Citrine / Kotaku
Itch.io, an egalitarian website for internet hosting, posting, and downloading indie video video games, is crammed with cum. As a refuge for inventive nobodies to harness an viewers with out worrying concerning the cash, Itch is filled with loads of different issues too, like medieval comedian books, homicide nuns, and cat property. However the cum is what made Apple attorneys name it “so offensive we can not talk about them right here.” And Itch’s supposed lo-fi depravity is what you’re right here for, proper?
Proper. Whereas Apple was right in its perception that there are numerous NSFW video games on Itch, I’d chorus from calling them offensive. Like the vast majority of free porn on-line, NSFW Itch video games can extra precisely be named “crude middle-school fantasies,” such as you downloaded your reminiscences of “lesbian boob kiss” search outcomes right into a thumbdrive after which inserted that drive into a tiny hand to the touch your self with.
What you want—what all of us want, actually—are porn auteurs, or in Itch’s case, video games that carry out intercourse in smelly, soulful methods. I current you with this: 5 free erotic video games that aren’t solely seeking to pump blood straight into your guts, however into your perverted coronary heart as nicely.
Observe that this listing prioritizes the very best of Itch’s extra obscure titles, however the platform’s greater NSFW video games from builders like Christine Love, Robert Yang, Dr. PinkCake, and Towerfag are equally tantalizing (you possibly can be taught a bit about why in my earlier porn video games listing).
Steel Plug
Steel Slug, the sequence born in 1996, is filled with motion video games that appear superb for taking part in whereas selecting your nostril. You may play tough, robust, and partially checked out. The NSFW spoof Steel Plug by Juicy Eliot, alternatively, is sweet for taking part in once you wish to see butthole. Nonetheless tough, nonetheless robust, however it’s more durable to take a look at once you’re being confronted with a unadorned forest woman’s flapping pink ass.
Steel Plug performs equally to Steel Slug and employs a number of the sequence’ roguelike parts. You need to blast machine weapons and spells (together with bullet time, and extra uniquely, “large dildo bomb,” and “plug protect”) at bare evil doers who kidnapped your bare horny mates. Big pink cocks generally rain down from the sky. All in all, Steel Plug explores what much less inventive NSFW video games is perhaps too cowardly to even comprehend—what in case your butt plug gave you energy?
Butt plug energy.Screenshot: Juicy Eliot
Excellent Dwelling
This entry is for the furries on the market, everybody else, protect your cat’s eyes. Citrine’s role-playing recreation Excellent Dwelling asks you to discover the dusk-fallen woods as a vindictive boy witch, who additionally occurs to be a cat. Everybody on this recreation occurs to be a cat, and, through the use of your very erotic thoughts management powers, you flip them into your submissive slave cats. It’s paying homage to an 18+ Undertale. I assume you needed that.
Some Sword / Some Play
Let me whisk you away from the world of orifices and anthropomorphic cats and introduce you to Some Sword / Some Play, an interactive fiction recreation by Moniker Ersatz. That is for smut sluts with yearbook-level Pinterest boards devoted to Colin Firth’s Mr. Darcy (me).
Within the recreation’s sword-carved fantasy, you’re a duelist who everybody, by sheer luck, needs to fuck. Strategy and have salty banter with 4 characters, your patron, your buddy, a prophet, and your enemy, to get to the nice components, which is the erotic lit stationed all through the sport.
Pleasantly, in contrast to many genitalia-obsessed porn video games, Some Sword / Some Play is physique and sex-positive. Dialogue prompts offer you time to tranquilly determine on all characters’ pronouns and anatomy, and the sport leaves you feeling moved to smoke a clove cigarette and picture your room filled with sizzling knights.
Oh ye.Screenshot: randyretro69
Randy Retro 1
Randy Retro 1 by randyretro69 is a perplexingly, fascinatingly unusual intercourse recreation. In response to its description, you possibly can play it in your browser or in your Recreation Boy by way of flash cart in case you ever needed that system to grow to be attractive.
In a browser, the gameplay is easy. It largely entails urgent “Z” in your keyboard till you get a wild-eyed pixel woman to get bare. Your disembodied pixel penis cums on her face—rinse, repeat. However the dialogue. Man, the dialogue is so bizarre.
The woman says “oh ye” prefer it’s all she needs, apart from your dick. “Oh ye get you good and laborious!,” “Oh ye I really like your huge cock between my tits,” “Oh ye you want that?” Oh ye it prevents any kind of temper from forming, even in components of the sport you’re inspired to pull your cursor down the woman’s physique like a makeshift third appendage (fourth?). “Oh ye slap my ass,” she says. It’s surreal and scientific, an artwork piece about instructing doggy-style to aliens.
Horny Booby 95
Per Silkworm Sweatshop’s Horny Booby 95’s Itch description, “you’re 13 and all you need in life is to see that SEXY BOOBY on the interwebs. Too unhealthy your loved ones pc is a chunk of junk, not having been up to date in over a decade. It’s liable to slowdown, and crashes that maintain you away from that SEXY BOOBY!”
Horny Booby 95 was created for a recreation jam in 48 hours, most likely the identical period of time you’d have to get your in-game household pc to work and reveal horny booby. If truth be told, you’re powerless to do something apart from float your MS Paint cursor over to the flashing “homework” folder, the place your character has cleverly hidden a hyperlink to www.sexyboobyxxx.com (I’ve not checked if this web site exists, however do let me know if it does). You may click on aggressively on the hyperlink, however you’ll inevitably be foiled by unstable web or parental management. Take that as an indication to go away booby behind and, as a substitute, go to the beginning menu to play “SurFree,” an truly habit-forming Flash-type recreation by which you need to dodge sharks.
It’s a humorous little recreation you don’t need to assume too laborious about. You most likely shouldn’t need to assume too laborious about any of this, truly. Intercourse ought to by no means be “unspeakable,” particularly when it occurs on Itch.io. Play these video games along with your eyes large open, nothing Stanley Kubrick about it.
